i hv ample time to mobile blogging because oracle system acting up like a bitch today. generate quote kene tunggu more than 10 mins mana tahan wei. some more pagi td dpt request puaka. 9 consolidations, 3 acf and multiple quotes some more. i died after doing that quote! more than 150k!! workwise, i having a bad luck in that area for this whole week. god im stressed. my tl is gonna hv a heart attack seeing my numbers this week. arr i need to redeem myself but the tix are so tough. and the target is so high up now! im stressed! have i said it already? yeah. twice. god i hate my life now. i hv become so lame. married. have a family. bought a house. work nine to six. what next? daughter goes to school. daughter got married. i go to hajj. then, died. thatz the perfect aturan hidup bagi kebanyakan orang kan? follow the masses. i dont detest the perfect aturan. cuma, kalau dihadapi dengan senyuman & kebahagiaan, some more there is someone by my side...my soulmate perhaps...i dunno who..someone who makes me happy, laugh, content..that perfect aturan i am more than willing utk hadap. even if the aturan is not 'perfect'. is there such thing as soulmate? nvrmind, i'll ask one when im up 'there'  :)    god im stressed. maybe im not a routine fan. tu la dulu2 tknk open ur mind..kalau la aku blaja koz marine biology ke...bleh keje ari2 nyelam laut. or stadi koz fashion ker...glam2 gitu ari2. i blame malaysian education system ! *tetibe...     yeah because seigt aku dulu kalu budak sains stream susah nk apply koz yg bkn sains...   i hv a fren yg time skool tere gile dlm sains, now she work in oil n gas but at same time she took fashion koz and now she is a fashion designer. how cool is that...leading a double life. one is serious, and another one is fun and glam. :) i think she needs that kinda funky life because she is like me...a gemini. meanwhile im a gemini thatz not content with my oh so boring life. im not endorsing horoscopes but sometimes when i read a gemini personality and assesing myself...some if it is true. i get bored quickly. im fickle. i dont like routine. im flighty. i dont finish things and jumped to new things. ok, ive been listing the negatives. haha. the good traits is...umm...easy to warm up with ppl (friendly la, bkn warm up lain :p ) , a talker , a good listener (i keep quiet the whole time unless u wnna my opinion hehe) ,  i can be so determined for things i passionate about to be perfect. i remembered when i was in college, there was a video making assignment using video edit software. tersgtlah teruja dgn assignment tu. i took a harry porter trailer, edit it so many fuvking times, then put the background song...i chose god speed you black emperor song...the end of the video i played it so fucking many times to make the song and ending scene sync perfectly. same goes to my lingerie blog. i like editing those pix and put fancy wording and stuff like that sampai leka. i think i shud took up some creative art koz la instead of computer koz! ah..regrets. is my life will only filled with regrets?  there are so many to reflect by...the question of...if only...  im talking about my entire life.  u noe how we were in primary school when being prefects had so much privileges to the extend of its easier to go to boarding school if u were a prefect? i was offered to be a prefect when i was in primary school. i asked my father can i become a prefect? he said no, because it will take ur study time doing prefect duties. pendek kata, ianya akan menyusahkan aku la. so i turned down the offer. when i was in secondary i wanted to become a prefect but school only elected those who became prefect during primary. the rest is a story of me missing privileges of being a prefect.  my cv not impressive enough to get into mrsm as i only settled to be a librarian. u know if i did entered mrsm my life wud be really diff from now? u noe how mrsm kids excel because they got constant exposure fr past papers. furthering studies to oversea was also a breeze for them. i missed those chances because i follow my father 'words of wisdom'. then i said to myself, when i hv kids one day i will not stand in their way. i will let her fly if its good for her. being a parent in this fast pace era i cannot be narrow minded. ok, thats one of the many 'if only' stories. the incident was small but its impact was big. i wud not be working nine to six in this office doing quotes after quotes if only i dont listen to my father. i maybe lead a diff kinda life....